Maybe you’re familiar with this pattern - where you can see the best in people. Is it a blessing or a curse? Or what if you have a habit of having specific expectations of a person and they continually do not ‘live up to it’ and you are...
Maybe you’re familiar with this pattern - where you can see the best in people. Is it a blessing or a curse? Or what if you have a habit of having specific expectations of a person and they continually do not ‘live up to it’ and you are constantly disappointed?
By seeing the best in someone (their potential), are you putting expectations on them and causing pain for both parties? Even though it comes from a genuinely good place, it can create so much disappointment and discord. We talk about accepting partners and family for who they are versus wanting them to change, how to navigate these situations, and how to evolve and grow with less conflict.
It can feel confusing, so we try to make sense of it. We discuss some realizations that we’ve experienced and how they have affected different relationships. Tune in and gain some insights to help you understand your patterns to alleviate the pain you may be causing yourself and your relationships.
Key Points In Episode:
- Have a mantra - see people as they are. This means dropping your own expectations of them and feeling like they need to live up to them.
- When someone shows you who they are, pay attention. There is not an ‘ideal’ version of that person.
- The dichotomy of it feeling like it’s a ‘good thing’ to see the best in someone, but it causes so much pain for both you and that person.
- To truly love someone, you need to accept them for who they are, versus loving a fantasy character.
- Look at HOW you are loving a person.
- Is holding someone accountable for what the person wants for themselves hurtful or helpful?
- Allow people to evolve in their own time and on their own terms, not yours.
- We all want people to ‘show up’ in specific ways in our lives, but it can create pain and frustration and become a wedge in a relationship.
- Loving and seeing people for who they really are is freeing. There is less pressure in the relationship and less friction.
- When is it okay to ask for adjustments in behavior and compromise to help your relationship grow and how is that different?
- Sarah and Emily discuss how this is different with romantic relationships versus family or friends.
- What ‘change’ are you asking of your partner? Ask yourself if it’s realistic or judgemental? Figure out why you are asking this of them. Will it better your relationship or hurt it? In the grand scheme of things, how important is it?
- When someone is not willing to create change to make you feel safe and good in the relationship and the nuances of relationships that make you feel safe.
- How to understand your own patterns in relationships and where you are actually causing yourself pain.
- They chat about the expectations of others treating you like you treat them. Is that reasonable? Do you need to adjust expectations? Are you creating a pedestal for your own behavior?
- How looking at enneagrams and other people’s ‘numbers’ can help you communicate more effectively.
- Not everyone has the same priority as you, and realizing that is helpful.
- Create awareness and notice when you are judging people through your own belief systems.
- When to communicate your needs so it doesn’t become a bigger problem in the future.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Inner Archeology Email
Sarah Turner on Instagram
Emily Pennystone on Instagram